Whoops! Just lost my entire post while uploading photos, so let's try this again.
Cut off all my hair three weeks ago, sold my car a few days later, bought a bike and a friend gave me a helmet. Three days past a meeting with some shaman friends, we worked on fears and how to move past our own barriers to realize our fullest potential. Sitting, drumming, encouraging, witnessing anothers' process honors us all, the power of those womyn still amazes and transforms me... we burned much copal that evening.
Went to a witchy retreat in the woods, attended a Depossession training with Betsy Bergstrom, then went away to my favorite pagan festival. Rituals, sang & drummed everyday. To gather in community with a thousand other like minded folk in circle fills me up. It is the high point of my year. So this year, instead of doing medical, I signed up for kitchen duty to make breakfast for a few hundred witches in the woods. Got up at 5 am, watching the beautiful dawn, gave herbal offerings and said some prayers at the lakeside and thanked the spirits.
And you WILL BELIEVE WHAT I FELT! Take a look, the spirit world is real and is alive all around us. I capture orbs often on my digital camera... should see the pics of my new place, every room practically has these shining orbs. Needless to say, it's good energy...
So this Solstice was spent moving because of a delay in maintenence. This was not according to my plan, the movers were supposed to be completed by 10 am, with a cleaning lady to clean up my old place. Exhausted, I mostly laid on the floor during a Shamanic Solstice meeting barely able to sit up to drum! Had fun though, let go into the journeys and the spirits carried me. Love those spiritual cookies!
Today handed in my keys, dug up my herb garden into large pots for my deck. So hot today looked like the borage bit it, went out and got a patio umbrella. Cats laid around trying to find a cool place. The wind is blowing, hope the monsoons come this week, we need the moisture. I need the moisture, fortunately, a friend with a pool lives just up the street, she invited me to stop over whenever.
Went from a 575 square foot apartment with a garden to a 970 square foot apartment with a deck and views. Plan to set up the second bedroom as a studio/session space/guest bedroom. Gotta buy some furniture, still stuck in that single woman renter lifestyle, means that if I can't carry it then I don't buy it!
And can you believe it, I'm ready to put on some wool socks and a fleece! Overcast skies, cool and breezy, hanging at home listening to tunes about to make some country eggs. Life is good.
After my trip to Arizona, I was feeling restless and incomplete, more like I had picked up something. Tired, a little aggravated, needing some help, had a series of miscommunications including with my sister and a good friend. Then a couple months later headed off to Loveland for the first installment of an Advanced 4 Year Shamanism Program led by Claude & Noelle Poncelet. The day I left, had a chiropractic adjustment of my neck and went to my favorite healer herbalist shaman woman that I also study with, Ann Drucker. Had an intensely wonderful extraction experience, and an herbal bath. My homework was to do a series of 3 herbal baths while away on this retreat in Loveland, Colorado.
Here's a picture of one of my favorite locations that I often connected with on a daily basis, laid in front of watching the stars praying, contemplating.
Often did my herbal baths after our evening session in the dark in the field fully clothed, hands freezing while praying and splashing myself. It rained for 3 days straight, cold, frost on the grass in the mornings, wool socks and many layers. Heard the coyotes laughing, saw some shooting stars as I prayed, saw a man hiding in the bushes, confronted my fears, and continued on in peace.
Headed into the hills gathering some herbs usually singing, yellowdock leaves, cleavers, dandelion flowers infusing my bucket with healing intention.
The work we did there was good for me, really connected alot of the dots I had been working on. Much time spent on pyschospiritual work incorporating mindfulness with a process of self-inquiry, then we built up to incorporating manifesting our authentic beings shamanistically. I had a deep initiatory experience, that still makes me smile. A blessing, a healing, putting on the mantle of power, and a sacrifice. It was beautiful to connect with a whole roomful of teachers, and was able to process my stuff peacefully in safety. Love that this was the place to finally accept myself for all my flaws and garbage, and my beauty and kindness, and my own unique creative forces were allowed to be alive.
WE ARE ALL ALIVE, EVERYTHING HAS A SPIRIT, AND WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. Just say yes. You know you want to!
Just came home from an afternoon at the Hot Springs, got a massage, hung out with some girlfriends had a nice dinner out. Rare treats. While soaking in the hot pools, the caves just felt so right. It was moist, steamy, deep in the core of the earth, waters gurgling. Could feel my heart pounding and my face get red and hot. Scrubbed myself down, brought some home-made bath salts, sucked on fresh limes and drank about 3 liters of water, felt like a pink fresh worm. Sacred pools of the mother. Just another aspect of Beltaine, honoring the blessings of sacred hot springs.
The moon is out full in all her majesty, stars twinkling. One of the lessons of life is that love conquers all. And life goes on living. Friend of mine just had a beautiful daughter, Naomi. Fertility, mothering, sacred service. The photos were so tender, so sweet. She said several times, my husband this- my husband that. Funny. Her life has changed so much when we were close friends like 10-14 years ago, don't really know her at all anymore. What I do know about her is that she is brave and worked hard for her happiness and deserves it.
Guess I'm just yearning for something more. Not sure husband & kids & a mortgage is what I wanna sign up for though. Love is all there is, that is the lesson. Now if only i could download that into my body and live it out loud.
Not always melancholy, seem to be in transition lately. Purging out the old deep crusty stuff buried, that tends to make me uncomfortable and a little unreliable. Had a long talk with my acupuncturist and am laying off corn & dairy to see what happens. Not so bad so far, but there was some cheese in my meal tonight. Hope that I won't pay for that tomorrow...
Going away on a shamanic weeklong intensive on Friday, guess I'm a little anxious, scared. When I notice my fear, I get angry. Sang all the down in the car to the hot springs, singing really helps me blast it outta me! Feeling really restless, like it's time to cut off my hair, sell everything and get outta Dodge! Going to resist and finish up what's left to do, then maybe I'll go to Europe or something for a fresh take on life, maybe the beach instead. We'll see...
Recently came back from visiting a friend at the Grand Canyon, sang very loudly at one point. I call it yelling inappropriately, you know- when spirit fills you up and you just let loose! Prayed at the edge of the canyon. It was breathtaking, awe-inspiring, and went on for miles.
Can't sleep when the moon is full and shining even if I'm tired. Maybe a cup of herb tea...
