For some time now, I have wondered if the "Wiccan" community in the local metro area is a good fit for me. After attending several local events, I noticed a shrill and uncomfortable vibe. This last time was the winter solstice sunrise, which I love, to drum up the sun with a couple hundred others. I took several lovely pictures of the sunrise with fresh snow on the foothills, and in so doing apparently offended several elders that did not want their photos taken. They become rather unpleasant & irate, not quite shouting yet not really "cool." Obviously, I was not taking photos of people, so I apologized and promised to delete any photo that had them in it and did so.

I learned several lessons from this, including "accept your lessons as blessings and your enemies as angels" (not that they were my enemies at all); you can't please everyone especially those itching for a fight; and just because they are pagan does not make them evolved. Kinda felt schmeared after that experience, so a nice hot shower with a salt scrub cleaned me off. What made me feel so much better was that I really examined my heart and motives whether I wanted to capture them on film... and the answer is no.

My response to their anger, was to apologize sincerely and kinda laugh about it, I didn't want my solstice ruined by some negative people that I didn't even know. My plans were to spend the day with friends, go to breakfast and visit. It makes me wonder what's the deal?

Prior to that experience I encountered some interesting folk that- um- basically I excused myself after 5 minutes of attempted conversation. I like to be grounded and centered with kindness & an open heart to receive the teachings. And I THINK I am pretty easy to talk to and am genuinely interested in people. Not sure I want to join in their reindeer games though! I'm no BFW and not interesting in being an HPS with a bunch of acolytes. I like us all to be participatory and on the same field of play. For my light to shine activating others to shine also in their wisdom, divinity, strength, beauty, and vulnerability. And sometimes all that ain't so pretty or comfortable, and that's OK with me. That willingness for self examination & vulnerability makes you a person of power in my book. Honorable, with integrity to look into the dark mirror and still love oneself, as god/dess/spirit 'loves' us.

Maybe it's time for me to co-create my own rituals with some like minded folk closer to home. In perfect love and perfect trust means something to me. Funny- the last ritual I went to shortly after Samhain, in their opening introduction it was said you can't always have perfect love & trust... honestly it was a great ritual with many shamanic elements including dismemberment, there just were some elements of drama that were kinda unneccessary.

So I'm wondering-any thoughts? I love my teachers that I am committed to, and see lots of teachers even in the mundane. Am I being too judgemental or something? Would appreciate some insight.